Social connection is a lot like the weather - we all talk about it, but no one does anything about it. This newsletter is here to change that: to raise awareness about the importance of connection and create a space for real conversation.

Hi Fran – what a great question. I can’t speak to it from direct experience – Ask Ken Jr has not produced any grandchildren for us yet and if the world knows what’s good for it, that won’t happen for many years to come. 

But the Ask Ken family-verse is chock full of nieces and nephews: babies, small children, tweens and teenagers, all young enough to be my grandchildren. So I think I have some insights into the question. 

I’ve been struck by how familiar many of their interests and activities are. The NBA is on fire, Fleetwood Mac is the king of TikTok, board games are everywhere, and Mahjong is one of the fastest growing games in the country. What is old is new again in many cases. 

But let’s start with being curious about their activities. You’ve never heard of them? What a great opportunity to learn about new devices, new games, and new content creators. Ask Ken Jr., for instance, has converted me to the glories of Ryan George and Zach King. Sure, many of this new group of creators are insanely stupid, but no generation has a monopoly on dumb content: may I remind you of such 20^th century gems as the Jerry Springer Show, Me and The Chimp, and Disco Duck, both track one and track two.  

Just expressing an interest in their activities is a way to build a bridge, and I’ve found that young people are often very eager to talk about and share their interests. You don’t have to enjoy the activity itself to get something out of it: I killed many a braincell watching the Backyardigans with Ask Ken Jr when he was much younger. That damn theme song still tortures me from time to time, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. 

Don’t be afraid to invite them into your world as well — cooking a family recipe together, sharing old photos, or teaching them a card game. The exchange can go both ways and build real connections. I’ve personally found cooking to be something that works. If you don’t have a family recipe, make one up. I natter on all the time about Grandma Viv’s brisket recipe, but the one I use, I pulled from the internet. You might call it deception; I call it creative connecting. 

Of course, some things work well for small children and might not work so well later on, but I think showing up and expressing genuine curiosity works at any age. Except for 16. That’s an unbreakable puzzle. 

But perhaps Ask Ken readers have better ideas?

Write in and tell us how you connect with younger generations. We’ll post the best answers in an upcoming edition of the newsletter.   

Do you have a social connection question for Ken?

This Week in Social Connection

If this was a weird game of Jeopardy, the question might be “what might you hear inside a bathroom at Coachella?” In truth, you won’t hear that from us, because we are rather averse to car camping in 100-degree heat, and even more averse to staying up for a set that doesn’t even begin until midnight. 

But perhaps we’re missing out. A new poll released from toiletry brands Always and Secret revealed that the bathroom is a hotspot for social connection among women, with around 2.4 billion interactions between strangers happening there every year. 

In a survey of 2,000 women across the U.S., 62% said they have about four positive interactions a month with someone they don’t know in a public restroom, and a quarter said those moments can make their night. 

In fact, nearly 40% reported having up to 24 positive encounters with strangers each year, highlighting how restrooms may be a meaningful space for connection. 

Ordinarily, we would dismiss this idea out of (hopefully washed) hand but we are influenced by Gillian Sandstrom’s new book: Once Upon a Stranger: The Science of How “Small” Talk Can Add Up to a Big Life and the idea of the connective value of talking with strangers, wherever you find them. Shameless self-promotion alert: we are talking with Gillian at our Longevity Book Club on June 11^th – register here and learn more. 

Always and Secret may also have been influenced by Gillian as well, as they created a “Refresh Room” at Coachella which transforms the traditionally appalling Porta-Potty experience into a clean, safe environment for women with access to things such as phone charging stations, bag hooks, hygiene products, and perhaps a good conversation or two.  

Social Connection in the News

The British journalist Caitlan Moran once confessed “I am not good at small talk. I will hide in a cupboard to avoid chitty-chat.” We share the sentiment if not the execution, since we doubt that our cupboards are big enough for that purpose. 

But we’re rethinking that perspective in light of new research published by the American Psychological Association. According to the APA, small talk may actually be more enjoyable - and even beneficial - than you expect. 

Across nine experiments with about 1,800 participants, people were asked to predict how much they’d enjoy discussing topics like World War I and II, the stock market, nonfiction books, vegan diets, cats, or other personally “boring” subjects. They then had real conversations with friends or strangers and later rated the experience. 

In nearly every case, participants expected the conversations to be dull but ended up enjoying them much more than they predicted - even when both people thought the topic was likely to be tedious. 

Researchers suggest this happens because people focus too much on the topic beforehand, while the actual enjoyment comes from the interaction itself - feeling heard, engaging, and discovering unexpected things about the other person. 

So next time you are at a cocktail party, check out the cupboards - and if you find us, ask us about our opinions on the War of the Oaken Bucket, or trapezoids, or the price of wheat. Don’t worry, we have thoughts.   

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